The Schmidt Element
by Not-A-Mer-Gentleman
Summary: This is a one shot incorporating the movie The Fifth Element with our beloved New Girl. Hope you like it folks, review if you do. :)


Nick Dallas's day started just as dull and monotonous as any other since he left the special forces and took up the life of a poor schlub. Being a penniless cab driver was getting old quick and since he was one citation away from losing his license, he'd need to find some other means of supporting himself, and soon.

He'd just stopped his cab to have a cup of coffee when out of absolutely nowhere BOOM! Something or someone came crashing in through the roof of his car from the building next to him. Completely caught off guard and a little bit shocked, he looked behind him to see what just landed in his backseat and that's when he saw her. It was a woman that fell from that building and much to his surprise, she was alive! Alive and barely dressed. Wrapped in a handful of white bandages strategically placed over her but it was her flowing raven locks that really provided any coverage. Thickly curling tendrils draped over her creamy white skin, they were long and so dark that they seemed to bring even more attention to any pops of vibrant color that were near them. Like her jarringly blue eyes and ruby red lips... she was breathtaking. Perfect.

Just then the cab was surrounded and Nick was being ordered to turn over his passenger.

"Heeelp." She whispered in a frightened and shaky voice. "Helllp me." And something in the pleading look he saw in her beautiful eyes grabbed him.

Taking a deep breath, he sighed, "I hope I don't regret this." He said, and in a flash, they were off racing between buildings until they'd finally lost her would-be captors.

* * *

At the girl's request he'd brought her to the home of a priest, Winston Cornelius, who informed Nick that this was no ordinary woman. She was indeed as perfect as Nick had initially thought, but more literally she was a great weapon, the planet's only hope against a great evil that was heading toward the earth to destroy it. The priest charged Nick with the task of protecting the girl and helping her on her quest but it dawned on Nick that he didn't know what to call her. When he asked what her name was she had rambled off the longest name he'd ever heard, "Jessloo Minai Lekavariba-Laminai-Tchair Ekbat De Sebat."

Stunned he'd asked if there was something shorter he could call her, a nickname perhaps.

"Jessloo," she replied with a smile.

* * *

The blackness heading toward the earth could only be destroyed by Jessloo retrieving four sacred stones, each possessing the power of an element, air, water, earth and fire, and only Jessloo had the power to withstand the force of the combined elements and use it to save the world.

The stones had been placed in the protection of Diva Cecelia, a performer on a luxury space cruise who was worshipped by millions of adoring fans throughout the galaxy. No one would ever think that the worlds most valuable artifacts would be in the keeping of a celebrity but in a way that made them safer.

Despite being loved by many, the Diva herself only had eyes for Ruby Schmidt, a flamboyant radio personality who was broadcasting from the cruise where she performed. Ruby was a reformed ladies man who was smitten with Diva Cecelia since their first encounter.

Short on patience with most people, Ruby had a particular distaste for the Diva's male fans and was known to rudely wave his hands in their faces to dismiss them and that's just what he did when Nick approached him asking to speak to the Diva.

"Bzzzz," he buzzed like Nick was nothing more than an annoying little bee, "She's too busy to see you, go away, BZZZZ!"

"Get your hand outta my face pal!" Nick warned, "I won't say it again." He glared at Ruby and gestured at Jessloo, "She has business with the Diva. She's expecting us."

At this Diva Cecelia appeared and at seeing Jessloo, she insisted that everyone join her in her suite after the concert but before the show was over, a group of rogue alien assassins opened fire leaving wounded and fatally.

* * *

Schmidt awoke with a gasp, his heart racing and a sheen of sweat glistening on his forehead. "Oh god, what an awful dream." He whispered reaching for his phone and dialing without looking at the time.

Cece answered, her voice hinting both annoyance at the late night call and concern that something might really be wrong. "Schmidt? It's 2 AM, are you ok?"

"Cecelia, I just had the most terrible dream. You were shot and I couldn't save you..."

Hearing the panic in his voice she cut him off. "It was just a dream. I'm alright. Breathe."

He continued, "Granted you were blue and not tan and your hair was like dreadlocked tentacles but it was you and I loved you and..."

She stopped him again, "I had blue dreadlock tent- Schmidt were you watching the SyFy channel alone again?!"

"Yes but," he began.

"We talked about this," she interrupted annoyed but slightly amused. "when you called me at like three in the morning last month to make me promise never to wear yellow leather because you fell asleep watching _Buffy the Vampire Slayer_ and you said I was wearing a yellow leather jacket that had attracted the vampires because it was a bright color and it got me bitten at the prom. Remember?"

"Yes Cece." He replied knowing full well that he'd promised her he wouldn't fall asleep to SyFy stuff anymore. "Sorry I woke you." He said apologetically.

"You know you only get away with this because you're always in love with me in these dreams, don't you?" She said, adoring the fact as she said it.

"Well I know I'm asleep but I'm still _me_. Of course I'm still in love with you. It's you." He said with complete sincerity.

Touched by the sweet sentiment she responded, "I love you too Schmidt."

He smiled at this and quickly added, "Plus my dreams are very vivid Cecelia and your breasts, even when blue are spectacular. I mean those puppies are..."

"It's 2 AM, don't push your luck." She quickly warned him.

"You're right, goodnight." He said quickly and hung up immediately so as not to incur her wrath. Then he rolled over to go back to sleep, hoping maybe he could will himself to repeat the dream, but only the part involving blue boobs.


End file.
